Logic

I don't know how to do my homework, so I have to skip volunteering tomorrow and go see a TA. This is pretty frustrating because 1. I really wanted to volunteer (I'm going to be working in a nearby preschool). I've been looking forward to it since my TB test came back clean 2. I've known that I wouldn't be able to do my homework since we started this unit, but I kept putting off getting help 3. I won't be able to start volunteering next week because of Fall Break, so it'll be another two weeks before I get to start. I could have gone and seen the TA after class, but I'm trying to put school first. I don't want to get into bad habits like turning homework in late. I want to get involved, but not so that I can't get my work done.
Logic is a lost cause for tonight, but as penance for being a bad student and volunteer I'm going to study psychology and not play on facebook or visit The Marine. (He's in Brodie playing piano and it is very tempting to go visit.) My music is going off, I'm closing my laptop and totally focusing on studying. I'm incredibly furious with myself, but maybe I'll learn something from this.

What am I going to do?

I just realized that I'm going to be totally on my own tonight. Chelsea and Nicole are going to camp for the weekend and Jill and Erica are leaving for Fredonia tonight. I made a list the other day, of all the people I like here at Geneseo. It was about forty people long, but that doesn't mean a whole lot if the handful of people I actually spend time with is gone. I can like some people without feeling comfortable being alone with them. The boys don't have a game tomorrow anyway, so they'll all be going out, so even hanging out with The Marine seems unlikely. I guess I'll just hole up in the library and make psychology flashcards to study in the car tomorrow, but I don't know what I'm going to do about dinner. Eating breakfast by myself is nice. I like to go to the library and get a half pint of skim milk and a muffin and read the Buffalo News. Eating dinner by yourself is sad though, it suggests that you don't have any friends.

They've stopped de-tripling

Just kill me now. I was thinking last night that there are four S's that roommates should always respect: Studying, Sleeping, Sickness and Sex. These are the times when they need to be extra respectful and recognize that it's not just their room. For example, if someone is, oh I don't know, IN BED WITH THE LIGHTS OFF AT MIDNIGHT ON A THURSDAY maybe they're trying to sleep and you shouldn't go around slamming the door every two seconds. Maybe you should get what you need from the room in one, quiet, considerate trip, and then quit being so loud and obnoxious. Maybe.
I know I'm not perfect, but I always respect theses S's. I also offer to take their garbage to the trash room if I'm going, I share my newspapers, and I don't eat brownies on their beds, dropping crumbs all over the sheets. Weird right? I'm never on their beds. My friends are never on their beds. I play This American Life kind of often, but not the same episode, and they're always watching tv, so we're even on the sound pollution score. *Grinds teeth*

The perfect fall break

I would hang out with rugby people on Thursday night and go to the IB and dance to blow off steam from acing my psych test on Wednesday. Friday night I would hang out with Chelsea and Nicole (If Nicole's entire high school class hasn't arrived yet, I'm not sure of their schedule. If they're here I would just chill with Chelsea.) Saturday is game day (just like in the song) so we'd beat Hamilton thanks to my stunning rugby skills, with my parents looking on proudly. My parents would then either be in suspended animation for an hour or two, or they could wander around campus or something while I went to the after game drink up, and then they would take me home. We'd all go to Coles and Jack would be there and he'd be very impressed by my college rugby chops. Then I'd go home and shower and visit with my family (and my kitty) and do laundry just bask in being at home for the rest of the break. It actaully works just as well if you swap the drink up with a boy's rugby game, and that would eliminate the parent issue. Sounds pretty perfect, right?

her hair is black and her eyes are blue

It sounds like South Buffalo in my room.

I separated my shoulder

Sometimes people need to be judged on their one offs, and I know that saying I'm not a Thirsty Thursday kind of person is pretty meaningless if I've gone out for the past two Thursdays, but when the options are either go out or sit in my room on facebook, I'd rather go out. Yesterday was tough anyway, because I went to see the trainer and was told that I can't play rugby for like two weeks. Colin says I can come back at the end of next week if I feel up to it, but that's still a lot of rugby time lost.
Last night was kind of pointless, but it was fun pointlessness. The girls' rugby team was having a party with Sammy's (the "smart" frat) but no one showed up, so it was really awkward. The Sammy's guys had all dressed up according to the theme too (a theme that girls' rugby had picked no less) and Marie and I hadn't dressed up. Surprisingly enough, wandering around a strange house filled with semi-drunk guys in cardboard Spartan military uniforms isn't very fun. Marie and I left after maybe fifteen minutes, figuring that we had done our part, and that if no one ever wants to party with girls' rugby again, at least it isn't our fault.
We were ready to call it a night, but we ran into a rookie from the guys' team on the way home and he invited us back to the Rugby House. I wanted to see The Marine, and Marie was bored, so we decided to tag along, just for a few minutes. It wasn't really a party, there was a keg, but there's always a keg. The boys were just hanging out, and so we chilled there for awhile, talking to the guys.(Not drinking. Going out on Thursday is not the same as drinking on Thursday. It's a school night for pete's sake.) It can be fun or annoying hanging out with drunk people when you're sober, and this time it was fun. Rugby parties are so much less sketchy than frat parties because it's impossible to know all the frat boys, but I'm getting to know most of the rugby guys. They're more interested in each other than girls, and things are really laid back and fun. They like to tease, but they aren't mean. Marie and I ended up staying for kind of a long time, everyone who doesn't live in the house was gone. (mostly because B.T. was hitting on Marie and kept holding her up as we tried to leave.) It was a fun night, and I actually ended up having breakfast with The Marine, so it didn't even matter that he hadn't gone out. He's going away this weekend, but I'm happy with the way things are developing. Slowly. He has a daschound too Mum, so I'm sure you'd like him.

This woudn't be an issue at Smith

I only think about boys. Geneseo is like 70% women, but it still seems like the place is crawling with boys, and it's very distracting. In class, at meals, at practice, I need blinders like a racehorse. It's fun, but it's exhausting, I actually have to make some small effort to not look like a slob.
So the whole pedometer experiment was pretty pointless. I wore it all week, but i guess I didn't wear it in the right place. When I got my activity report there were entire days where I didn't take a single step. I guess those were the days that I just chilled on the floor, not even getting up to eat or go to the bathroom. Plus, they weighed us, and so now I'm boring everyone with my body issues.
I'm doing a load of wash right now that is just two pairs of rugby socks. That sobbing sound you're hearing? That's Al Gore.

I'm jealous

Chelsea's new double is sweet. I want a whole closet to myself, and shelves and a bowl of apples. I don't hate Jones the way a lot of people seem to, but it wouldn't really bother me if I was de-tripled out. I'd like to stay in this area if possible, but even that isn't a huge deal if my loving parents come to help me move the way Chelsea's did.
The previous post seems to be a typo. Oops.

"I like you"

I'm not going to get my hopes up. At the same time though...

Rugby Mountain Day

I have new spikes. New-ish, at the very least. I got them at the very tail end of my last spring season, and that was only like...four months ago. As it turns out though, they suck. the spikes are really loose, I tighten them every practice, but by the end they're coming out. Today when i got to the field i discovered that yesterday, unbeknownst to me, I had lost a spike. i searched my bag, but it wasn't there, and I can only guess that it fell out during practice, so I'll never see it again. It really wasn't a great way to start practice, and I was very out of sorts as we did our laps and dynamic stretches. My mood only got worse when the four captains all showed up in street clothes and announced that they were injured. Leigh was in a sling, it was very distressing, especially with our first game on Saturday. They gathered us together and were giving this little speech, when Leigh's face broke into a grin, she flung off the sling and announced that instead of practice we were having a social. We all immediately piled into cars and drove to the captains' house, and had a party! I have school stuff tonight, so like a big dork I couldn't drink, but it was still fun. We sang rugby songs! I was telling CWB today that I never feel really happy here, like, I'm happy, but it's never, whoa I'm HAPPY. The social was really fun though. I was actually HAPPY to be there, and HAPPY to be on the team with these girls. Clearly, rugby is the best sport ever. I have to go to a study group now, but there's just something about a surprise team celebration that makes me want to work now. I'm all motivated and really glad to be here.

Dreary Saturday

Weekends are the worst in college. The campus feels so empty, and the days are so long. Even nice moments, like running into friends for breakfast and having iced hot chocolate don't feel as nice as I had hoped they would. I based my idea of what college would be like on what I thought Emily's college life was, which was based on her blog. I don't know if Smith is nicer than Geneseo or Emily is just a good writer, but I'm never really happy here. I'm rarely unhappy, but I hate this numbness. I'm trying to fill my time with studying. My classes aren't terribly challenging, but I hope that just translates to a lot of A's.
The entire campus feels grimy, like the combined sweat and breath of every person on campus has condensed all over every surface. Even showering makes me feel dirty. Sitting at my desk, eating raisin bread, listening to This American Life archives and copying my psych notes over into my Willow-like colored pen system should be a fun way to spend a Saturday. Emily would make it sound glamorous and collegiate. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but something isn't right here.

Thanks Dad

Now I have Blue Oyster Cult stuck in my head. Just in case my life wasn't Long Island-y enough.

Long Weekend

I got to thinking as I wandered around the empty campus, lonely as a cloud, I'm not a country girl. I don't like living in a place that smells like cows. Not a vague whiff now and then, not a subtle hint of cow, it smells like a cow is following me around campus. I need to be around people. Lots of people. I don't need to know them, just having busy, productive people around motivates me. I need more of a town than just one tiny stretch of main street. This isn't working out. If I was at Barnard I wouldn't care about being alone over the long weekend. There's stuff to do in the city. Even just walking around in the city is more interesting than walking around here. There's nothing here. This long weekend is a sign. I don't have any homework really, I only just started class and we haven't really gotten started yet, but I'm going to study all weekend. I'm going to get straight A's and I'm going to get involved and I'm going to apply for a transfer and get the hell out of here. It's 12 in the afternoon on a college campus and the only sound is crickets.