Thursday, October 30, 2008

And the Hits Keep Coming

I'm having such a great week. It started out strong, and it just never faltered. A prime example of this awesomeness: there were COWS on the quad today. There was also free milk, but I don't really drink milk, so I just patted and milked the cows. I don't remember ever milking a cow before today, so it was super thrilling. I think I took to it pretty naturally, it's something I'd be down for doing several times a day, every day. Cows probably aren't allowed in my apartment complex, but maybe someday I'll have one. It's been a longtime dream of mine.
After petting the cows I went to lunch with my friends at the Big Tree Inn. I don't have a lot of money on my meal plan, and I'll be having peanut butter sandwiches for dinner for awhile, but it was worth it. It was nice to get off campus for a bit, and talk to my friends. Chelsea, Dana, Nicole, Grace, Mari, Clarence and I all have the 12:30-2:10 free every Thursday, so we always try to meet for lunch to catch up with each other. It wasn't the whole crowd today, just Grace, Dana, Nicole and me, but it was nice. Maybe nicer than having everyone, because the conversation was more focused and we didn't break up into separate conversations. I like the whole family meal thing, but maybe not in a restaurant.
I'm mailing my application tomorrow. It's a little scary, but not really. The worst is over, even if I get rejected, it probably won't be as bad as having to tell my professors I want to transfer. Walt is taking it very seriously, we're meeting after class to talk about what he should say in the midterm report. It isn't a recommendation, it's a space for a grade, his signature and email address, and a box for optional comments, but he doesn't want to just jot something down. I can't decide if I appreciate this or not. It's a very Walt way to be, he's always willing to take time for students, but I don't necessarily want to take two hours on a Friday to talk about a test when I'm not getting points back, or a tiny box on a form. It's just another lesson I guess, I know his time is valuable, but he's willing to share it and do this for me, so I should appreciate it and try to do the same.
Tonight is a study night. I have an Adolescent Development test tomorrow, so I'm just going to stay in and work. It's good though, I'm going to go to the gym, and work, and watch Thursday tv, I'm looking forward to it.
Tomorrow is Halloween, and I'm going to dress up like Kaylee and share the cookies that Aunt Grace sent me. Life is good.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Good Times

I'm having such a good week. I know it's only Tuesday, but things are going so well. I got a big box of make ups in the mail today, just in time for my friend Paige's birthday party tonight. It should be fun, especially since now I have purple eye shimmer and all these new lip glosses and toners. I'm going to experiment, and have a good time getting ready. I sometimes like to do things that I would have enjoyed when I was in middle school, it makes me feel like I've grown up a lot, even though that doesn't make very much sense. I painted my finger and toenails blue yesterday, and I think it looks pretty cool. It isn't a sophisticated look, but it's fun.
I had a very nice conversation with my friend Elizabeth today. We don't typically plan time to hang out, but we run into each other all the time in the library or the bathroom and get to talking, and then two hours have gone by. We talked a lot about our apartment for next year, even though we won't be living there at the same time. We're both very excited, but also frustrated that we have to wait so long to move in. Elizabeth also commented on how it's disappointing that we won't be housemates, so she won't get to eat my cooking experiments. We decided that the solution is to live together senior year, which is good, because by then I'll have experience, and the things I make will have a better chance of being delicious.
I finally talked to my noisy neighbors last night. It was 11:30, and I was trying to study, and the girl next door's irritating boyfriend Tarzan yelled, and it was just the last straw. I was very nervous about confronting them, but I figured an RA wouldn't intervene until I asked them to stop myself, so I did it. They were quiet for the rest of the night too, so my fingers are crossed that the problem is solved. I love it when the obvious solution is the right one.
I have my phone interview tonight. I'm nervous, but I feel like it'll be ok. Things are looking good, so I don't feel the same pressure, where my life will be ruined forever if I don't get into Smith. I have somewhere to live, I have at least...three good friends, I'm ok. I still want to go, but it's less pressing. It would be for the better education, not to escape Geneseo.
The girls rugby team is having a date party in mid-November, and I've decided to not go. It's pretty far in the future, but I'm pleased with myself for making this decision, so I'm telling lots of people. Date parties always spell trouble. I may go totally over the top and volunteer at Teresa House that night instead.
I've decided to make a quilt. I decided around the time my friends and I decided to live off-campus, it seems very homey. I don't have a lot of experience sewing, but I got a big kick out of sewing the patches onto my coveralls and rugby shorts. I'm thinking about all the various patterns described in Alias Grace, but I think I want to at least try this pattern that I found when I Googled "Amish Quilt Patterns". I think it's really cool. I don't know when I'm going to start making this quilt, but I thought it might happen when I'm home for Thanksgiving and can get to a fabric store. I also want to try making bread, especially challah. I haven't had challah in ages, and I've been craving it.

Monday, October 27, 2008

High Times

I had a very nice, if very sleepy weekend. Thursday I went to see the Neil Simon play "Rumors" put on by the campus theater group VegSoup. I went with my friend Brittney, and we had a really nice time. It's a funny play, and it was well acted, with an especially impressive performance by a freshman that was briefly on the men's rugby team before their all-around toolish-ness drove him away. Friday was quiet but good. I went to a Halloween store with Dana and Clarence, and we tried on costumes and fought with toy swords, and generally acted like annoying college students. I thought about going to see "Rumors" again, but didn't as I decided it might not be as good the second time, and I was dead on my feet after being locked out Thursday night and spending the night on the study lounge couch. (I had forgotten my keys, and it would be impossible to wake Danielle without waking the entire campus. The girl is a quality sleeper, an excellent quality in a college roommate.) Instead, I went back to my room and watched "Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story" which was actually pretty funny. Not laugh out loud funny for the most part, but decent. Saturday we had our final rugby scrimmage against Brockport. I wasn't at all in the mood to play rugby in the freezing rain, but our driver refused to get "lost" unless everyone in the car agreed, and one girl did want to go. It was good though, because once we got there it was very fun. We switched players, giving them our even numbers and taking theirs, and a good time was had by...most. Brockport girls are very fragile, and three were taken away in ambulences. But they were in good spirits. Saturday night I went to Brittney's suite and watched "Amadeus" with her and our friend Oaks. We facebook stalked rugby boys, and gossiped good-naturedly, and had a nice time. As Oaks said "It's nice hanging out with you guys when we aren't binge drinking." I feel like we're going to do more of that now. People seem to be getting bored with partying all the time, but we still want to hang out. I worked on my costume yesterday, sewing patches onto my coveralls, and because I had extra, my rugby shorts. It was very pleasant, sewing makes me feel wholesome and domestic. I kept pricking my fingers, and I eventually got bored, but my costume is bomb awesome. Last night I went over to Gaby's and we came up with nicknames for all the rookies and planned their initiation. It sounds like it's going to be a blast, I'm super excited. I started volunteering at Holcomb again today. It was one of those nights where you keep looking at your watch and thinking about how tired you're going to be the next day, but so far I'm ok. Volunteering was good, but the kids this year seem sort of violent. They kept throwing matchbox cars and pulling my hair with alligator puppets. I need to figure out a new laundry schedule now, but I think it'll be good for me to volunteer more. Working out in the morning is good, but I can work out at night, and I can't play with tiny children at night, so this makes sense. I'm actually going to go to yoga class tonight. I think I'll call some rugby girls and see if they'd like to come too, we've made some vague gym buddy plans, and I feel like I've made so much progress with getting closer to people, I don't want to lose touch after the season is over.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Free Dumplings Day

They even had apple dumplings! (But no turnip sauce) Delicious.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

On College

People are always saying that these are the best years of my life, but as far as I can tell college is just waiting for adult life to start. I can't think of a single college student that I know that is living in the present, everyone spends all of their time thinking about the future. We're only here in the first place because it will probably give us a better future than not going to college, but it isn't hard to see why people that opt to not go to college after high school develop a greater sense of identity at a younger age. I'm three months into my second year, and I feel like college is already over. Not in the good, getting-on-with-my-life way, but in a stuck way. It seems pointless to transfer at this point. I'm still applying, but I just want college to be over. A lot of my friends are planning on graduating early. I don't know if I'd like to do that, but it's a symptom of this problem where no one lives in the now. Everyone is so focused on where they're going to study abroad next spring, and their apartment next fall. It's already too late to get an apartment for next year, and it isn't even November. I don't want to make my schedule for next semester yet, I don't want to think about housing, I'm trying to get through my current classes and cohabit with my current roommate. I don't want to think about the future.
I had a very pleasant visit with Riva this weekend. People have a way of looking at their friends sometimes, where you can see them marveling at how much they love them, that is like sunshine to a plant. Most of our mutual friends were busy, so I had Riva to myself a lot of the time. It was like going tanning, I hope that it lasts, so even when I go through weeks where I don't have very many positive interactions with people I won't get all Seasonal Affective Disorder-y. I was talking to Brittney about my friends on Friday, and she sympathized with how hard it is to make new good friends, and how it's easy to stick with less-good friends than go it alone. It's a sort of tease, hanging out with Clarence and Chelsea, however briefly, while Riva was here. It reminded me how nice things were last year, when I had best friends, but also what I lost when they got tired of me, or developed other priorities, or whatever it was that came between us and left me alone. But that's beside the point. I feel like Riva had a fun visit, we watched "Firefly", went for walks, and even went to the IB. It turns out that drinking with Riva is fun, if not as fun as not-drinking with her. I'm glad we tried it, but I don't think it's going to enter into the rotation of stuff we do together.
I feel ready for this week. Things are sort of looking up, even if the only difference is that now I'm determined to be happier. I'm actually making an effort to make good decisions and be positive. I'm not mad at people anymore, I'm actually committed to giving up hook-ups for a relationship, even if that means I'll be on my own for a long time. I'm keeping small, realistic goals that are things in my control. I can't help but feel like I'm treading water, and these are short-term solutions, but maybe it's just the optimist in me, believing that something good will come along, and things will get better.

I'm Reviewing the Situation

Driving back from apple picking with the Outing Club, it occurred to me that I might be on the wrong path, life-wise. I wondered if I should stick with psychology, or maybe change my major. I was thinking that I might like to go into early education instead, and be a preschool or kindergarten teacher. I like kids, I like arts and crafts, and pushing people on swings, maybe I should double major. I know I love psychology, but I'm not sure if I have a future in the field. Input is welcome.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Fall Break

I came back to Geneseo just in time for the actual Fall Break part of Fall Break. I personally think it's the best of both worlds, I got to go home, and I had crazy, shut-in, study time. It turns out that I only have one paper due this week and not the two that I thought I had, so that's a huge relief. D. didn't get back until this afternoon, so I had the run of the place last night. I didn't do anything too crazy, I ate grapenuts and raspberries, studied stats, and read Les Miserables, and had a quiet, peaceful evening. Not unlike the quiet peaceful evening that I'm having right now, as D. sits at her desk.
Last night was nice, but today I wanted to do something, or talk to someone, and that just wasn't in the cards. Students are slowly trickling back to campus, but everyone has homework, myself included. I worked on my Humanities paper for most of the day, and then rewarded myself with a walk to the cemetery. It was a pretty fall day, but surprisingly humid, and it smelled very strongly of cow. I wanted to wear my fake leather jacket, but it was too warm. I crunched through the leaves though, which was very satisfying, and I feel like I at least got some fresh air and exercise, which I desperately needed after two days in the car.
No one was around for dinner, so I ate with my stats book that I had taken on my walk so I could learn by osmosis. I had a nice salad, which was just the thing, as I had grapenuts for breakfast, and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, so I was due for something green. I'll get some more fruit tomorrow from the dining hall, I need to save my bananas for breakfast, but I like having apples around the room for munching.
Riva is coming this weekend and I am deeply excited. Clarence pointed out that I spent her whole visit last time clinging to her, and I plan on going koala-style this time too. I haven't seen her in ages, I'm completely unapologetic about being happy to see her. I wish there was more to do in Geneseo, but we're going to go apple picking with the outing club, so that's something. There's a rugby party Saturday night, and I'd really like to take her, but I'm at Teresa House until 11, and I doubt anyone else will want to go. It would be fun to bring my Oberlin rugger friend to a Geneseo rugby party though, I bet we would sing.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


I really want to be Kaylee from "Firefly" for Halloween. My friend DS expressed interest in a "Firefly" group costume, and I bet EH would be down too. Where do you get coveralls?
I always say that I don't get too into Halloween, but I do when I like my costume idea. I liked my hooker costume last year, and my badger/skunk costume a few years ago was good. Elphaba was tricky, the paint was really itchy, but it was a big hit, so that was satisfying. Really though, I feel like the peak of my Halloween life was that ninja costume I had in like third grade. I'll never top that. I hope there are pictures, it was a great costume.
I don't have Halloween plans, but I'm sure something will turn up. There will probably be a rugby thing, but I'd like to go out with my crew members if possible. It would be silly to have a group costume and then not hang out.
I went to the Study Abroad fair today, and it turns out the New Zealand program is only in the Spring. That's all well and good for rugby, but it's going to suck having the year and a half of winter. It'll be like Narnia, which I guess is fitting, as I think the Narnia movies are filmed in New Zealand. At least I'll get a lot of snowboarding in.

Monday, October 6, 2008

I Love Mondays

My weeks all follow the same pattern more or less, and I love Mondays the best. It's a little weird, and I'm not trying to be a rebel by loving Mondays, I just like the feeling of potential. I wake up early and do my laundry (When I was first learning French I remembered that Monday is laundry day, so lundi made sense, and so I get a great deal of satisfaction from that.). I'm a little worried about starting a Monday laundry trend, but as long as I get my wash in by 8:45 I'm almost guaranteed dry clothes by my 11:30 class. I'm a fan of laundry, I like folding the clothes when they're warm, and they make my room smell nice. I went to the gym and erged while my clothes were in the dryer, just so I was using my time as productively as possible. I like erging, but I like it less now that I'm trying to bring my time down. At least I always feel virtuous afterwards, and I like my blisters almost as much as my rugby bruises. I couldn't get soy milk for love or money after the gym , so I used real milk in my cereal and took lactaid. I really love real milk. There's no comparing the two, milk is just better. D. has class at 10:30, so I had the room to myself after I got back from the gym, so I played This American Life while I folded my clothes and ate breakfast. I have the same schedule Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but I never feel the same motivation on Wednesday or Friday. I'm going to try to go to the gym in the morning though, it's almost empty, and rugby season is winding down, so I'm going to need to think about off-season training. I'm going to try to hold onto my Monday positivity. It's a short week, and I have a big Postsecret Fall Break treat to look forward to.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

How Did This Happen?

I'm really hoping it isn't an issue because I won't be here, but I don't have any housing prospects for next year. I don't need to live off campus, even though I really want to, but I don't even have a roommate. I don't know how it happened, but I sort of hate most of my friends. Not all the time, CWB brought me some chestnuts today, totally out of the blue, and I didn't hate that, but I don't feel close to anyone. I loved my rugby friends, but I don't think I'd like to live with them, and they're already set up with housing. I can't afford to live by myself, and it's such a risk living with strangers. I like my current roommate, but we aren't friends per se, we're just chummy roommates.
Fall Break can't come soon enough. I never see my friends, so it's not like we need space, but I need to get away. I feel like all the good in me has dried up. Almost everything my friends say pisses me off, and I feel like they feel equally hostile towards me. I had dinner with CL the other night, and he was so unfriendly. He shot down every topic of conversation I tried to bring up, I felt like the Dining Dead, and it was awful. We used to be friends. I missed him like crazy over the summer, and now we have meals where I want to throw my drink in his face and storm away and never speak to him again. The whole thing was just so depressing. It's awful when you can see that someone has stopped loving you. I tried so hard to keep loving my friends, even when they stopped making an effort, because I thought they'd eventually miss me and want to be close again. I called, over the summer I wrote, I asked about their lives, I went to their swim test for crew for chrissake! I tried really hard, and no one cared, and now I'm angry and friendless. As opposed to in denial and friendless. So now I'm going to work on my essays, cuz I can't be here for another two and a half years. I just can't do it, I hate the way I am here.