Saturday, November 29, 2008

Ring! Ring! Traveling Pants!

I just watched "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2". I love corny movies, I think that in some ways they have more to offer than smart movies that make me feel intellectual, and culturally aware. I know that I'm playing right into their hands, but I really related to the characters. I don't know how up people are on the Traveling Pants series, but it's a story about friends, and this movie covers a lot of friend issues that I've been dealing with lately. There's drifting from old friends, problem making and trusting new friends, and feeling like people don't care as much about you as you do for them. That's a biggie. What I liked about the movie though, was how it made it seem worth fighting to keep the people you care about. Even when it's hard to love someone, as long as one person is willing to step up and fight to keep the connection until the bad time is over, things can always work out. Giving up isn't the key to happiness. There will be times when losses need to be cut, but so much of the time it's worth trying. I like movies that give me hope, and this one did. Life isn't like a tween movie, but that doesn't mean I won't have great friends or handsome Greek men that fall in love with me. The Greek men can wait actually, as I'm in a good not-dating phase, but the friends are important.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving Break

It's so nice to be home. Aunt Grace came over to watch "House" last night, and it was just like old times.
I mostly just lumped around today, but it's only the first day of break. I slept in, and read a bit, and watched "Lars and the Real Girl", which is excellent. Everyone says they were surprised by how good it was, but I thought it looked good from the trailers.
I just put a bunch of Christmas songs on my iPod, and now I'm going to go for a run. It's cold out, but I should probably leave the house at some point. When I get back I'm going to build a fire and study stats. It sounds nicer than I think it will be, but I want to do well on the final. Professor Pasti**o actually suggested we curl up in front of a fire with our textbooks, so I think I'll follow his advice.
I tried soy milk hot chocolate today. It's drinkable, but not as good as cow milk. That's about what I expected.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Freaking Out

I give the impression of being a pretty mellow person that I think is pretty accurate. My rugby friends are always saying they have a hard time imagining me getting mad or yelling at someone. That's a little extreme, I get angry, but I tend to fume instead of exploding. Today though, I had my own personal Mount Etna moment. I mentioned in my last post that the Dean's office hadn't mailed my forms, and I was going to go straighten things out today. I filled out the forms and bought stamps, and put double the required postage, just in case, but the woman at the front desk told me that they hadn't lost it, it wasn't a post office screw up, they just hadn't gotten around it until this morning. So I had been planning on insisting it be in the mail today, and it was, but I had no control over the situation whatsoever. She was completely unapologetic too. I actually thanked her, and walked out. Halfway down the hall though, I turned around and walked back, and told her that I had turned my form in a month ago, and I had told them it needed to be sent out by the fifteenth, and I had been led to believe it would be sent out within a week of my submitting it. It probably wasn't her fault, but I was angry and I wanted to tell someone that this is not an ok way to run things. She indicated to the stack of transfer applications, and I wanted to tell her that the vast number of students fleeing should indicate a problem. I was incredibly angry, and her refusal to even apologize only made things worse. I tore the envelope and forms into shreds and angrily threw the pieces away, and banged out of the Union, viciously kicking doors. I needed to rant, but I don't really have anyone to rant to here, so I called Mum and got her voicemail. I ranted and raved and used some very strong language in what I think counts as a scream, all in front of everyone that happened to be walking in front of Steuben Hall. That's the power of a tantrum though, I didn't even feel embarrassed. It seemed right that there would be people to witness my fury. It was big, people should notice when someone is feeling something as strong as what I was feeling. It passed quickly though, and I was left feeling peaceful and slightly anemic from being so aroused right at the start of my day. I almost fell asleep during Humanities I was so tired, but it was a wholesome tiredness, like after you've gone running or lifted weights. It felt so good cutting lose like that. I've been pretty restrained lately, and I knew I was going to need a release sooner rather than later. I'm glad it was screaming and not crying. There's a time and a place for crying, but feeling angry hit the spot.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


I finally got my Bannerweb code for Smith, and it turns out they never got my school official report. They won't hold it against me will they? I'm going to go into the Dean's office and kick some ass first thing tomorrow morning, I filled out another form and have the stamped, addressed envelope, and I'm going to emphasize how it needed to be in the mail two weeks ago, and I gave them the forms more than a month ago so they send it out tomorrow. I'm really furious about this.
The orchestra performed "Alexander Nevsky" today. Jill and Elizabeth are in orchestra, so I went to support them and avoid work. I sat by myself because no one else felt like going (a common theme these days), but I had a nice time anyway. The music was very beautiful, and even though I was fuming about the Dean's office and how it is ruining my life, I felt better during the concert. I actually forgot where I was and felt slightly guilty for being so angry, because I thought I was in church.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I'm so excited. Not for the food really, but I want it to be Christmas time. I'm totally planning on making a Christmas playlist for my iPod for the Turkey Trot. My friends and I aren't doing any sort of at-school holiday gathering this year. I'm sort of disappointed, but Halloween was booty, so maybe it's for the best. There's always the rugby holiday party. I wanted to try out soy milk hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps and a candycane stirrer and have that be the thing I brought to our gathering, but forwards are bringing entrees, so I'll just have to hold onto that idea. I think it sounds very delicious though, provided you use the nice Droste cocco powder and not nasty Swiss Miss. This is the last Christmas where all of my non-rugby friends and former-friends-who-are-now-just-friends-of-friends will be together, so it's sort of sad that we aren't doing anything. We had this plan to buy each other Christmas tree ornaments every year, so that by the time we graduated we'd all have the means to decorate our own tree that we'll have cuz we'll be all grown up, but I don't know if we're still doing that. It seems like paying a friendship tithe to just toss a gift to someone as you pass them on the quad.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


I haven't read the "Twilight" series. I didn't even realize they were a big deal until the last one came out this summer. They're about beautiful, angsty vampires though, so when my friend Oaks said she wanted to go see the movie last night, I figured I'd be able to catch on pretty fast, what with my previous experience with the sexy vampire genre.
The theater was packed. Not only that, but it was an enthusiastic crowd, people were taking pictures of themselves in the theater. They wanted mementos of the night that a mere ticket stub apparently cannot provide. I thought the crowd was pretty interesting actually. They all clearly loved the books, but they kept laughing at the really romantic parts. I think it was to cover for the fact that they really want an obsessive vampire love to watch them sleep, and be prepared to kill people that threaten them, but it isn't really socially acceptable to say that you want that. So they had to cover.
What I thought was strange though, was the heroine's name. She's called Bella Swan, which is my fantasy self's name. It's a nice name, I can see someone else thinking of it, but it was weird. I didn't know that was her name. It contributed to the feeling that I was experiencing of having my fantasy projected on a movie screen. They even used the right music, lots of Iron and Wine. I guess I'll have to accept the fact that I don't have terribly original fantasies. Getting it down to the name though, is just weird. I wonder if there are hundreds of other girls using that name independently of "Twilight".
It's a corny movie, but I liked it. I recently came across an old blog post of Emily's where she referred to a conversation we had, where I said I like most things, even when I know they're bad. It's very true, and last night was a perfect example. I also went to an a cappella show where a boy forgot a whole verse of his song and just stood there, frozen, while his friends beat boxed behind him. I paid to see that, but I wasn't mad the way Nicole would have been. I was having a nice night (aside from missing NARD. I kept hoping they would show up as a suprise, and I overheard the people behind me saying the same.) and most of the singing was good. "Twilight" was silly and awkward, but I liked it. Oaks is going to bring the books up after Thanksgiving so I can read them.
One problem with movies like that, with epic, gut-wrenching love, is that it makes me feel sort of bad that I don't have anyone who wants to watch me sleep. I asked someone out yesterday (before the movie), but I did it via facebook because I don't have his number and I have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone (Why go halfway with the vampire-geek theme? I had to throw a Buffy quote in there somewhere.). He's a male rugger, and nice enough, but he hasn't responded, and even if he says yes (which I don't see happening because he's a senior and enough of a slut to need to take a bet that he could go for the rest of the semester without having sex. We would only have like a week to hang out before the semester ended, and I have to assume he'll want to have as much sex as possible, right away, as soon as he can, which I'm not up for. Plus, I'm insecure and question whether anyone will ever love me.) it wouldn't be that kind of situation. It wouldn't be earth-shattering, it would be...I don't know. Not earth-shattering. He's a drummer in a band, and a psych major, and he likes comic books and camping, and snowboarding. He was shy in high school too, so he had the same reaction to people suddenly hitting on him that I did when I got to college. Even with this stuff in common, it wouldn't be like "Twilight" because he isn't dramatic; one of the nicest things about him is how laidback he is. You can't have vampire-style lovin' without losts of drama though. Also, I sound more into him than I actually am. We hung out Thursday night, but I never gave him much thought before that, and I'm not really sure what made him different enough for me to ask him out. I sort of feel like it was the asking that was important, and he can say no, but I've taken a step in the right direction. I put myself out there again, and made myself slightly more vulnerable than I would by just hooking up with him. That's sort of big. I'm not even sure at this point whether I'd even like dating him, but I wanted to try asking.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


I loved the Abbey so much last week that I included it in my desperate attempts to make conversation with Clarence babbling, and suggested it might be a nice run. My friend had told me it was only three miles, so when he suggested we run it together on Sunday I said yes. It's pretty flat for Geneseo, the road goes along the bottom of a hill, so it seemed completely do-able. Just to be sure I wouldn't embarrass myself though, I asked my friend Brittney if she would like to go earlier in the week for a practice run. She's a good sport, and agreed, but she was only free to go after 3:30. Since we planned on running there and walking back we knew we'd be cutting it close with the daylight, but we figured it wouldn't take us too long to run three miles. We both thought about wimping out when the time finally came, it was cold, and we've both been skipping the gym, but we stuck to our plan. It wasn't a bad run too, it was pretty flat, and we made sure to face traffic and I only had one ear bud in because my ear buds are ghetto and only one works, but it let me hear if a car was coming. We ran and ran, and eventually we began to get tired. I was secretly wondering if I had messed up the directions, but I didn't say anything because I thought it would be bad for morale. We eventually saw the sign for the abbey, and turned down the road. It was a two second drive, so I assumed we were almost there, and taking a page from Emily's book I cranked up the S Club 7. The abbey still wasn't in sight midway through the song though, so I started it again. It actually took three playings before we got there, but we made it in the end. Walking into the delicious bread smell was wonderful. Brittney loves churches, and we browsed in the bread shop, and read some of the spiritual guidance books. The monks were out and about too, so that was very nice. They wear robes and everything. We sat in the chapel for a bit, but it was getting dark, so we didn't stay very long. It had taken us much longer than we had expected to get to the abbey, and it was already dark out. I was pretty stressed out by what I thought was our awful time, it seemed like the Turkey Trot would be too much for me. We were walking back, chatting about our lives, trying to keep warm and not freak out about how dark and scary things were when a car that had passed us pulled back and stopped next to us. We were both having terrified serial killer thoughts, but it was a woman that we had seen at the abbey. She offered to give us a ride, and even though every story about taking rides from strangers went through my mind, we got in the car. (In our defense, we both thought she was a nun. She was wearing a scarf on her head, and we had seen her talking to a monk in a way that made it seem like they were pals. And we were more scared of being hit by a car then having to overpower a tiny Asian woman.) She was totally harmless and took us back to campus, so now I feel like I can say I've hitchhiked and I never need to do it again. When we got back to Steuben though, we mapquested our route, and discovered that we had actually ran like five miles. So whoo us. I'm ready to OWN the Turkey Trot.

Monday, November 17, 2008

C'mon Get Happy

*I found someone on facebook that I knew from SCA and friended her, so maybe we'll get a chance to catch up a bit
*I finished a paper (draft) and the professor pushed the due date back, so I'll have time for him to give me feedback on it
*I made conversation with someone before class today (it's a big deal for me, I usually use that time for writing in my journal.)
*I just downloaded Tayler Swift's new album off of Ruckus, and it's really good
*Brittney and I are going to run to the Abbey on Thursday for practice and to see if I'm physically capable of doing it with Clarence on Sunday
*Elizabeth shared her pomegranate during "How I Met Your Mother"
*I scratched my "Angel" itch by watching all of season five in three days (shameful? yes, obviously, but it was sooo good. like eating a pint of ice cream)
*It snowed like it meant it today
*I'm going home in a little bit more than a week

Sunday, November 16, 2008

How I Learned To Stop Whining (At Least For Today)

I was writing a post earlier today, all about how I feel alienated from my friends, and all they do is let me down when I want something other than a warm body to eat next to or watch tv with, but I had to dash off to go to the Outing Club trip to The Genesee Abbey.
I had never been to the Abbey before, and it was very nice. We weren't allowed to see where the monks live or bake, but there was a bookstore, and a bread store, and a chapel. It smelled like bread, and was very quiet and peaceful. I read a little about fasting and virginity, and bought a loaf of maple bread. They had Thought For Today cards, and I took one. I had a bad night of sitting in my room feeling unloved, watching episode after episode of "Angel" because no one wanted to spend time with me, and feeling resentful. It carried over to this morning, and I was grouchy at brunch because my future housemates were stealing all the plates for our apartment. They're going to have service for twenty, and it's all going to be the ugly CAS cups and plates. They don't want to go to garage sales and put the effort into making the apartment nice and cozy. They aren't even going to buy beds, they're going to pull Krista's and sleep on mattresses on the floor. And they don't understand why that bothers me.
Anyway. I was sad and lonely, but the Abbey made me feel better. I feel really good now. I've also decided to try to make one new friend this semester. A real friend. I've tried moaning about being lonely, now I'm going to try doing something constructive to fix the problem.
A Thought For Today:
This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good. What I do today is important because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something I traded for it. I want it to be gain, not loss; good, not evil; success, not failure; in order that I should not regret the price I paid for it.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Crossing Over

Our rookies became new vets today, and we're all very proud of them. It was a fun day for everyone, the vets had a good time, but the rookies had fun too, and didn't feel hazed. We made tee shirts with their position, and they made us alternative name beads (I'm Poker Face, because I apparently don't show a lot of emotion. This is news to me, but Britteny confirmed it when I asked her. I don't know how to take this, so I'm going to appreciate it wasn't worse and move on. ), and we had all kinds of fun activities all afternoon and evening. There was an awesome obstacle course, and a scavenger hunt, and tv tag, and fish bowl races. We gave them their name beads and tee shirts at the end, and had a mini graffiti party. It's hard thinking of things to write, I need to be in the right head to be on the spot hilarious, and it had been a long day. I felt extra pressure to be cool on Emma's shirt, because I was the one to present her with her name, and in the process I accidentally awkwardly sounded like I was confessing a straight girl crush on her. ("We named you Femme Fatale because you're really hot...and you're tough. And you knock people's teeth out." So smooth.)
People sometimes say that they got as drunk as they did because they don't count their drinks. I had a similar issue today, except with candy. All the rookies had to bring candy to the initiation, and everyone was eating it, so I ate it. I think I had about pound of chocolate today. I feel like a third grader on Halloween, except guiltier. I also accidentally inhaled a peppermint patty shot. It's probably all in my head, but I feel like I can feel the schnapps in my lungs. It worries me.
Awkwardness, stomachaches and aspiration pneumonia aside though, it was a really fun day. I left the party sort of early because I'm tired and too full to dance around a sweltering basement, but I might head over to the IB later. We'll see.
I'm so glad I play rugby.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Am A Retarded Monkey Child

It's sad really. They say that math yields to brute force, but I'm here to tell you that just isn't true. I used enough math studying brute force to move a freaking planet in preparing for this test, but it just wasn't enough. The look on my professor's face was heartbreaking, that hopeful smile, as I handed in my intellectually fetid exam paper. I imagine him taking the tests home, working through the pile over the weekend, maybe at his kitchen table, coming to mine, and remembering how I went to talk to him, and the useless, well-meaning advice he gave me, and looking at my answers. And crying. I don't think he'll actually cry, but he's someone that loves stats so much he'll at least me offended at my presumptuousness to try to be a psychologist when by all rights I should be selling burgers and not wasting a spot at Geneseo or office of admission at Smith's time. I had thought I would feel better after the test was over, but I just want to run away from home.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I Don't Want To Wait

My SCA leader Brad recently got a facebook, and he's been uploading all of his pictures. I look at them, and I feel like I'm wasting my life. I wish I could be out in the wilderness, building stuff instead of sitting at my desk trying to write a paper, and actually looking at pictures online. SCA leaders are the kind of people that I want to be. I like being outside, and I like working with my hands until you're exhausted and starving. That's what living feels like, and that isn't what I'm doing right now. I loved milking the cows when they came to visit the campus. Nate (another SCA leader) spent a year working on a goat farm, and that sounded really appealling to me. I would love to do something like that, but David Sedaris wrote a very discouraging essay about how working on a farm actually sucks. Granted, he was a fruit picker, not a goat milker, but it still gives me pause. I looked it up, and you only need to be 21 and have a driver's lisence to be a crew leader. You also need a couple of certifications, but I could do that. So maybe I'll apply next summer. I want to have that kind of life. I don't want to be a hobo like Brad, but it seems like a good escape from college. I have that feeling where I want to knock peoples' hats off, it's time to go back into the woods.
It was psychology day today, and as it turns out, I'm a failure as a psych major. I'm not going to get into grad school because I am terrible at stats, and so I won't be able to get a job in psychology. This isn't totally unrelated to my sudden urge to run away and raise goats, but that had been on my mind for awhile anyway. I want to get away. I want an adventure.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


A second year student at Geneseo was hit by a truck last week. They think she was out for a run, and it's been speculated that she probably had headphones on and didn't hear the truck coming up from behind her. She was in the hospital, but rumors fly all over on a college campus, and so it wasn't clear if she was ok, or not. As it turns out, she wasn't; she died today. The president of the school sent out an email about it earlier this afternoon. I didn't know her, she was a communicative disorders and sciences major, but he wrote a little bit about her in the email. She was on the varsity soccer team, and she was really smart, she made the President's List last spring. It's such a waste. It's been on my mind all afternoon. I feel sort of guilty, and I've been trying to study and be productive because she was smart and made good grades, and she got hit by the truck while she was running, something I should do more often. It makes me reevaluate the way I spend my time. I have three papers due in the next couple of weeks, and I've been putting them off, but I started one today. Even if I didn't know her, I still feel like I need to be better now.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

My New Favorite Game

I finally got to read the Sunday Times today. I typically skim the actual news, but I love Modern Love and the wedding announcements. I like to see where people went to college, and it's one of my shallower ambitions to someday have a New York Times wedding announcement. It's just a fantasy, but I like it all the more when people who went to SUNY schools make the cut. I especially liked the piece about farm weddings that they featured last week, and it set me off planning my imaginary wedding. My lack of besties makes the game a little less fun, I want to talk about my plans, and get input on flower arrangements, and boys don't like this game. Clarence refused to play, and made me feel stupid for wanting to plan a fake wedding. (T*m Ke*ly once told me I made him feel small a lot of the time, and I didn't really get it, but Clarence does it all the time, so now I understand how unpleasant feels. It's making me more aware of how I act, so I don't do it by accident. I made the effort after Tom said it, and I feel like I'm at least better than I used to be.) Flowers are hard for me to visualize, especially because I don't know when things are in season, or how they'd smell together. Would a sunflower lavender bouquet work? I love lilacs, but I want a summer wedding, so they'd be over, and they wilt really fast. Gardenias are nice too though, they smell so pretty, and I really like tulips...clearly I'll need help when the real thing comes around.
I found some pretty cool places in Maine, farms, and also inns on the ocean. It's such a fun game, almost better than the Sims. Is there a wedding planning Sims, cuz there totally could be, it would sell. I figure for the menu I would do a choice of soul food, or traditional New England meal, because that would cover carnivores and vegetarians.
My SCA crew leader got married this past fall, which helped put weddings on my mind. I didn't know until I randomly clicked on her profile and saw that her status was "married". She had an outdoor wedding, and it looked like a lot of fun. I think weddings are kind of like adult proms, but I have higher expectations because I'm guaranteed a date at my wedding. Prom kind of sucked, and I'm not trying to recapture anything, because I didn't fit into the stereotype fun prom story. This would be a chance to be princess-y, but in a way that is tailored to me, with bluegrass and peach pie. It's a fun game for a Thursday night, if nothing else.

Six Dollars

I have six dollars in my wallet, and as I've decided to try to spend less money, I've given a lot of thought to how I want to spend it. "Threepenny Opera" tickets are $5, but I might need to go to the bank before I but my ticket, because there are so many incidentals. I wanted to get dinner on Main Street tonight because it's the paper plate awards, so I won't be able to eat in the dining hall, but that's too impractical. It doesn't matter though, as I only have enough money on my meal plan to use $10 a day, and I indulged in a $3 apple cider at lunch, so I can't afford dinner. I took a bag of bread from the toast station, so I'll have toast with honey for dinner, but that'll be the end of the bread (the bag was mostly empty when I took it). I want to go see "High School Musical 3" tomorrow after "Threepenny", because it's only $4 at midnight, and I'm justifying it by not going to the absurdly expensive ($10!) date party. I wasn't going to go anyway, but it's still money that I'm not spending. I'm skipping tonight's party with Sig Nu also, that's another $3 saved.
I heard somewhere that the average college student spends about $5000 on alcohol every year. That's insane, but I guess it all adds up. A party averages at about $3, if you pregame you chip into a bottle of something or other, that's probably another $2, the IB costs $5 if you're under (and not a girls rugger, cuz Colin lets us in for free), and even more if you're over, cuz then you're buying drinks. So let's say $10 a night, (which is probably conservative), it seems like a lot of people go out twice a week (others go out every night, but that's probably why the number is so huge, they're inflating the data with their alcoholism.), that's $20 a week spent on partying. I could easily see that adding up to big numbers. It's something to think about at the very least.
Back to my $6. It's probably going to go to theater tickets. I sort of half regret my habit of just dumping the change from my wallet pocket into the collection plate at church. It was almost all quarters, so I gave about $5 last week. I'm all for giving to the church, but it's sort of giving beyond my means, especially because I'm pretty sure it doesn't actually go to the care and feeding of the priests. I always feel so pressured though, because you hear stories about itinerant preachers who get stiffed when the collection plate goes around, and their children are barefoot and hungry, and it's sad. Granted these are priests, and so they don't have children, but still. I don't want to be stingy.
I'm still reading Les Miserables (I'm a full time student and it's the size of a cinder block. Don't judge me.), and it's all about poverty and making a tiny amount of money go really far, which is what inspired this post. The truly frugal person would just skip the play, or at least not go see the movie, but Aaron is in the play, and he's a senior, and Oaks and I never get to see each other now that rugby is over, and we both love HSM. So my big sacrifice is going to be skipping the field trip to the adult store, and eating one meal a day, supplemented with stolen bread and fruit. And stolen honey. Eaten off of stolen plates, with stolen silverware. Wow, I'm kind of shameless. Or thrifty. I'm going with thrifty.

Waiting is Hard

I sent my application in on Monday, and I want to find out if I got in or not. I don't know when they're going to let me know, presumably not before the final deadline, but I'm dying here. Not literally, but I want to hear back. I was doing an okay job of not thinking about it, but my friends keep asking. They're supportive and great about it, but I don't want to be reminded. It's doubly bad, because it reminds me that if I do get in I'll be leaving my nice friends that care about my special causes and want me to get in because they want me to be happy. I had lunch with Brittney yesterday, and a guy came up to us from the Intervarsity Club (a religious group on campus) and told us that they were praying for people, and asked if we had something we were praying for. I was embarrassed to ask him to pray that I would get into Smith, people are frequently indignant when they hear about the little things I pray about. I don't see the problem though, it's not like God is going to be so busy getting me into a good school that He lets an airplane crash or something. It's just a part of my relationship with God, where I figure there isn't any harm in asking, because the worst thing that can happen is that it won't work out. I would like a confirmation that they got my application though. It would help me relax a bit. Nicole said the address on my transcript looked incomplete, so I would like to know if I need to order another. Time moves so much slower when you're waiting, this week has been endless.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My Spring Schedule

I woke up at 6:50 to register for classes, a process that should have gone smoothly, but instead caused me so much stress I couldn't go back to sleep as planned. It worked out, I reviewed for a test I have at 10:00, but I was very put out about it at the time. So here it is. I almost got shut out of every psychology class, in which case I would have cried, and then begged professors to let me overload. I'm not thrilled, but it'll do.


Critical Reading/Honor 102

Western Humanities II
(with Walt S*ffer)


Behavior Analysis

Geology 100
(Science Core)

Research Methods

Behavior Analysis

Geology 100

Geology Lab

Research Methods

This schedule pretty much mandates me becoming a Thursday night reveler. Four classes and then a mad dash to practice. Good grief.
I am so full of cortisol already, and it's only 8:45. It's going to be a long day. My test is in my first class, and then I'll have to sit through Stats before I can go vote. I had consoling pop tarts after my registration drama, so I'm having grapenuts for lunch because my bread went moldy. It isn't a happy day.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


I have to agree with WCA when he says that Halloween is too much pressure. Movies make it seem like it's easy to have fun on Halloween, especially in college, but it's actually harder than you would think. Last year was pretty lame because it was on a Wednesday, so I didn't want to go out, despite my awesome hooker costume. Halloween weekend last year was lame too, my friends and I wandered along Court St. trying to find a party, and by the time we did all the good parties were pretty much over, and no longer worth the $5 you have to pay to get in.
I was optimistic this year, but last night was pretty much more of the same. I loved my Kaylee costume (sadly, no one took a picture), but the night itself wasn't very fun. I had opted to hang out with my non-rugby friends, so I skipped the girls' rugby party, and hung out in Nicole and Dana's room. I wasn't drinking really, so that was the first clue I might not have a great night, as it's less fun than you would think to hang out with drunk people when you are sober. (Dana had a friend who she said was going to the IB to make fun of the drunk people, but I think that's incredibly stupid. She isn't 21, so she would be paying to stand in a hot, dirty, packed-to-the-gills bar where she wouldn't be dancing. I don't get the appeal at all, but to each his own.) We tried to play various games, but they never got started, and around ten we decided to try and find a party. You would think it would be easy, but apparently the cops had warned the frats not to have opens, so it was slim pickings. We wandered around aimlessly (it felt very familiar) until I admitted that I was pretty much killing time at this point, and I just wanted to go to the IB and meet up with my ruggers. Dana had never been to the IB before, so she wanted to come, and we decided to go back to their room until 12, and then go to the bar.
We went to Monroe, and chilled for about an hour, but the evening was clearly winding down. We sat around eating hint of lime tostitos and sharing a beer that Chelsea's boyfriend had left in the fridge until it was time to go. Dana fell asleep, so it was just Clarence and me, and when we got to the IB Clarence said he'd keep me company in line, but then he was going home. I found Pete B*nnister in line, and we were all chatting, which was nice, but he burned a hole in my shirtsleeve with his cigarette ash, which was irritating. None of my friends were at the bar yet, and it was the most crowded that I had ever seen it. I wandered around looking for people that I know, and waited in line for the bathroom just so I would have an unawkward place to stand. While I was waiting, who should appear but Goose, holding hands with a girl that wasn't beautiful, but was pretty the way Paul's high school girlfriend was pretty. Small, thin, good hair, good make up, like a beagle is what a dog looks like, they are what pretty girls look like. He said hi, and sort of touched my shoulder, and i felt like I had been punched in the solar plexus. Just in case I wasn't uncomfortable enough already, being alone in the most crowded bar in the world, I now had to deal with the possibility that I would see Goose kissing this Barbie. That didn't stop me from looking for him all night, I always look for him at the IB, but I only see him when I'm in a jumpsuit with smudgy make up on my face to make me look like I've been working in the engine room on a spaceship. I didn't see him again, but just that brief encounter was enough to bug me for a good long time.
My friends eventually showed up, and we danced and did the normal bar stuff. It was too late though, my night was past saving. It was too hot, and I wasn't in the mood. No one ever dances with me at the IB anymore. My friends do clearly, but no strange boys. I feel weird saying I miss strangers latching onto my dragonfly-style, but it makes me feel sort of rejected. One guy did come up to me actually, he was a friend of the Marine's, and unbelievably drunk. He tried to kiss me too, which was not ok. So I'll occasionally get hit on by creepers, but that's all. It's discouraging, especially when past boys are around to see how much of a hit I'm not.
The lights came on at 2:00, and my friend Oaks realized she had lost her blood sugar machine, card, license and phone. So we waited around the bar during the clean up, looking through the bits of costume debris on the floor. It didn't turn up though, and Colin said that it wasn't in the building if they hadn't found it. I felt really bad for Oaks, that's a really unfortunate end to a night, especially a holiday, when there's more pressure to have a good time.
Halloween is hard. It's probably going to be a letdown as long as I have any kind of expectations. Maybe I'll like it when I have kids that I can take trick or treating, but for now I'll just look at it as a pit stop on the way to Thanksgiving, the lowest pressure holiday.