Monday, November 24, 2008

Freaking Out

I give the impression of being a pretty mellow person that I think is pretty accurate. My rugby friends are always saying they have a hard time imagining me getting mad or yelling at someone. That's a little extreme, I get angry, but I tend to fume instead of exploding. Today though, I had my own personal Mount Etna moment. I mentioned in my last post that the Dean's office hadn't mailed my forms, and I was going to go straighten things out today. I filled out the forms and bought stamps, and put double the required postage, just in case, but the woman at the front desk told me that they hadn't lost it, it wasn't a post office screw up, they just hadn't gotten around it until this morning. So I had been planning on insisting it be in the mail today, and it was, but I had no control over the situation whatsoever. She was completely unapologetic too. I actually thanked her, and walked out. Halfway down the hall though, I turned around and walked back, and told her that I had turned my form in a month ago, and I had told them it needed to be sent out by the fifteenth, and I had been led to believe it would be sent out within a week of my submitting it. It probably wasn't her fault, but I was angry and I wanted to tell someone that this is not an ok way to run things. She indicated to the stack of transfer applications, and I wanted to tell her that the vast number of students fleeing should indicate a problem. I was incredibly angry, and her refusal to even apologize only made things worse. I tore the envelope and forms into shreds and angrily threw the pieces away, and banged out of the Union, viciously kicking doors. I needed to rant, but I don't really have anyone to rant to here, so I called Mum and got her voicemail. I ranted and raved and used some very strong language in what I think counts as a scream, all in front of everyone that happened to be walking in front of Steuben Hall. That's the power of a tantrum though, I didn't even feel embarrassed. It seemed right that there would be people to witness my fury. It was big, people should notice when someone is feeling something as strong as what I was feeling. It passed quickly though, and I was left feeling peaceful and slightly anemic from being so aroused right at the start of my day. I almost fell asleep during Humanities I was so tired, but it was a wholesome tiredness, like after you've gone running or lifted weights. It felt so good cutting lose like that. I've been pretty restrained lately, and I knew I was going to need a release sooner rather than later. I'm glad it was screaming and not crying. There's a time and a place for crying, but feeling angry hit the spot.


Andrea said... that mean you tore up the envelope that they were going to use to mail your things?

Caroline said...

no, they had already mailed it. i tore up the extra i made because i assumed they would say it must've gotten lost in the mail and would send another

Emily said...

Man I love a good rage. These days I'm seething pretty much all the time, which is exhausting and unsatisfying - I look forward to my eventual meltdown.

TCA said...

But here's the thing...getting mad at the poor little bad news bear minion type, even when that minion seems to be indifferent to your plight, gets you NOWHERE. The MOST satisfying thing to do is insist and then keep on insisting that you want to speak to that person's supervisor and then THAT person's supervisor until you get to the boss of the whole operation...probably the overpaid President or Chancellor or whatever of your school in this case... When you get that far, and with maddening persistence you will, then you off load your rage-in the nicest possible way-to him or her. By that time you will be at the heart of the problem AND at the person who can actually improve the situation if not for you than at least for the next person. It works for me. It's worked for people I know AND it is, while equally exhausting and time consuming, mightily satisfying.