Monday, November 24, 2008
I give the impression of being a pretty mellow person that I think is pretty accurate. My rugby friends are always saying they have a hard time imagining me getting mad or yelling at someone. That's a little extreme, I get angry, but I tend to fume instead of exploding. Today though, I had my own personal Mount Etna moment. I mentioned in my last post that the Dean's office hadn't mailed my forms, and I was going to go straighten things out today. I filled out the forms and bought stamps, and put double the required postage, just in case, but the woman at the front desk told me that they hadn't lost it, it wasn't a post office screw up, they just hadn't gotten around it until this morning. So I had been planning on insisting it be in the mail today, and it was, but I had no control over the situation whatsoever. She was completely unapologetic too. I actually thanked her, and walked out. Halfway down the hall though, I turned around and walked back, and told her that I had turned my form in a month ago, and I had told them it needed to be sent out by the fifteenth, and I had been led to believe it would be sent out within a week of my submitting it. It probably wasn't her fault, but I was angry and I wanted to tell someone that this is not an ok way to run things. She indicated to the stack of transfer applications, and I wanted to tell her that the vast number of students fleeing should indicate a problem. I was incredibly angry, and her refusal to even apologize only made things worse. I tore the envelope and forms into shreds and angrily threw the pieces away, and banged out of the Union, viciously kicking doors. I needed to rant, but I don't really have anyone to rant to here, so I called Mum and got her voicemail. I ranted and raved and used some very strong language in what I think counts as a scream, all in front of everyone that happened to be walking in front of Steuben Hall. That's the power of a tantrum though, I didn't even feel embarrassed. It seemed right that there would be people to witness my fury. It was big, people should notice when someone is feeling something as strong as what I was feeling. It passed quickly though, and I was left feeling peaceful and slightly anemic from being so aroused right at the start of my day. I almost fell asleep during Humanities I was so tired, but it was a wholesome tiredness, like after you've gone running or lifted weights. It felt so good cutting lose like that. I've been pretty restrained lately, and I knew I was going to need a release sooner rather than later. I'm glad it was screaming and not crying. There's a time and a place for crying, but feeling angry hit the spot.