Anticipate

“When things mean a very great deal to you, exciting anticipation just isn't safe.”
-Dodie Smith

I know I have an envelope in my near future, and the anticipation is like a drug. I want to get in, but just knowing that the letter is coming is exciting, whatever the outcome. I was all excited today when I checked my mailbox, even though I know it's early. It was empty, but there's always tomorrow. It gives me a rush, turning the dial, every nerve on edge, it's exciting. I'm setting myself up for a fall, I know I'm kidding myself when I say I'm anything short of desperate to get in, but I can't shake my optimism. I still believe I'm going to be happy, and since I'm not happy here, I feel like a solution will be dropped in my lap. I wish I had applied to more places. Getting into the honors program would be a delightful feather in my cap, but it wouldn't be as nice as transferring. I want a fresh start, I need wide open spaces, room to make the big mistakes. I need to not listen so closely to Dixie Chicks lyrics.