People Are Delightful

I have a sort of sixth sense for when I'm going to get a package. As I checked my email, my mail-sense tingled, and I hoped that I was going to get something. I wasn't expecting anything, so I was especially pleased when I did have a message telling me to pick up my package from the mailroom. "What could it be?" I wondered. My next thought was "I hope it's cookies!". I don't typically get random cookie-grams, but it has happened in the past. Trying to brace myself in case it wasn't cookies or a giant acceptance letter that was too big to fit in my mailbox, I tried to think of a boring package possibility. There is no such thing as a boring package though. Even getting freeze-dried mealworms was exciting. The package turned out to be a finals care package from the Geneseo Presbyterian Church. So it was cookies. It was also goldfish crackers, a juice box, chocolate kisses, popcorn, hot cider mix, lots of nice treats from a church that I don't even attend. And what has Saint Mary's sent me lately? Hmmm? No, I'm kidding, but it was so nice of the Presbyterians to do that. I wish my church did that, it would be such a nice volunteer thing. I think it would be a lot of fun making up boxes of treats for stressed out students. I'm really pleased about this surprise gift. I'm going to try to do something nice for someone today, just to pass it on.

Ice Knights

I am on a mission. I am going to go to the men's ice hockey game this Friday night, and I'm not going to go by myself. It doesn't sound that ambitious, but it is. How sad is that? It isn't like the prom or anything, and I just want a friend to go, I'm not looking for a date, but it's entirely possible that I'll fail. I 've already asked someone and been turned down. I'm refusing to take it personally though. She's legitimately busy. I know finals are coming, but I don't think two hours will make or break anyone. I'm pulling out the big guns on this one, I might even ask people that I'm only friendly acquaintances with, that I don't consider friends. I only have so many people that I consider friends, I'll run out fast. It's character building.
I remembered to say "rabbit rabbit" this morning, AND Smith got my college official's report. These are signs. Plus, Brad actually checked his facebook and is willing to be a reference for my SCA internship application. Things are going well. I'm going to be cautiously optimistic about the hockey game.
We had our first Sunday of Advent mass last night. It was freezing raining so the choir leader couldn't make it, and most of the choir wasn't there anyway. I went despite the weather because I was sure we were going to sing "O Come O Come Emmanuel" and we totally did. The church was practically empty though, so I felt very self-conscious because I'm not a very good singer and it's a kinda tricky song. The Marine walked in during the opening hymn because he's suddenly the churchgoing type, and I got all embarrassed. Not for any good reason, just because. It's a small-ish school, I need to be able to function around people that make me feel awkward because there's really no avoiding them. Awkwardness aside, it was an interesting mass, I think I'll appreciate the choir all the more this week.
I was really excited about my Advent calendar last year. I was still living with Laura, and things were going really well. Danielle is a nice roommate, and I talk to her more than I've ever talked to a roommate, but I miss living with Laura sometimes. I don't watch "Law and Order" anymore. I tried, but I don't like it anymore. But back to the calendar. I remember telling Chelsea that I was so excited to open the doors, I wanted the days to go faster. This year I'm much more laidback about it, which is weird because it's a chocolate calendar.
I wish I could go back and visit last year. It occurred to me as I was walking to dinner that my sort of friend Paige probably eats dinner by herself every night because she lives by herself. I never ate by myself last year, or if I did I don't remember doing it. I don't mind a lot of the time, but it's weird to think about what I lost, and how long it's reasonable to stay angry.

Ring! Ring! Traveling Pants!

I just watched "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2". I love corny movies, I think that in some ways they have more to offer than smart movies that make me feel intellectual, and culturally aware. I know that I'm playing right into their hands, but I really related to the characters. I don't know how up people are on the Traveling Pants series, but it's a story about friends, and this movie covers a lot of friend issues that I've been dealing with lately. There's drifting from old friends, problem making and trusting new friends, and feeling like people don't care as much about you as you do for them. That's a biggie. What I liked about the movie though, was how it made it seem worth fighting to keep the people you care about. Even when it's hard to love someone, as long as one person is willing to step up and fight to keep the connection until the bad time is over, things can always work out. Giving up isn't the key to happiness. There will be times when losses need to be cut, but so much of the time it's worth trying. I like movies that give me hope, and this one did. Life isn't like a tween movie, but that doesn't mean I won't have great friends or handsome Greek men that fall in love with me. The Greek men can wait actually, as I'm in a good not-dating phase, but the friends are important.

Thanksgiving Break

It's so nice to be home. Aunt Grace came over to watch "House" last night, and it was just like old times.
I mostly just lumped around today, but it's only the first day of break. I slept in, and read a bit, and watched "Lars and the Real Girl", which is excellent. Everyone says they were surprised by how good it was, but I thought it looked good from the trailers.
I just put a bunch of Christmas songs on my iPod, and now I'm going to go for a run. It's cold out, but I should probably leave the house at some point. When I get back I'm going to build a fire and study stats. It sounds nicer than I think it will be, but I want to do well on the final. Professor Pasti**o actually suggested we curl up in front of a fire with our textbooks, so I think I'll follow his advice.
I tried soy milk hot chocolate today. It's drinkable, but not as good as cow milk. That's about what I expected.

Freaking Out

I give the impression of being a pretty mellow person that I think is pretty accurate. My rugby friends are always saying they have a hard time imagining me getting mad or yelling at someone. That's a little extreme, I get angry, but I tend to fume instead of exploding. Today though, I had my own personal Mount Etna moment. I mentioned in my last post that the Dean's office hadn't mailed my forms, and I was going to go straighten things out today. I filled out the forms and bought stamps, and put double the required postage, just in case, but the woman at the front desk told me that they hadn't lost it, it wasn't a post office screw up, they just hadn't gotten around it until this morning. So I had been planning on insisting it be in the mail today, and it was, but I had no control over the situation whatsoever. She was completely unapologetic too. I actually thanked her, and walked out. Halfway down the hall though, I turned around and walked back, and told her that I had turned my form in a month ago, and I had told them it needed to be sent out by the fifteenth, and I had been led to believe it would be sent out within a week of my submitting it. It probably wasn't her fault, but I was angry and I wanted to tell someone that this is not an ok way to run things. She indicated to the stack of transfer applications, and I wanted to tell her that the vast number of students fleeing should indicate a problem. I was incredibly angry, and her refusal to even apologize only made things worse. I tore the envelope and forms into shreds and angrily threw the pieces away, and banged out of the Union, viciously kicking doors. I needed to rant, but I don't really have anyone to rant to here, so I called Mum and got her voicemail. I ranted and raved and used some very strong language in what I think counts as a scream, all in front of everyone that happened to be walking in front of Steuben Hall. That's the power of a tantrum though, I didn't even feel embarrassed. It seemed right that there would be people to witness my fury. It was big, people should notice when someone is feeling something as strong as what I was feeling. It passed quickly though, and I was left feeling peaceful and slightly anemic from being so aroused right at the start of my day. I almost fell asleep during Humanities I was so tired, but it was a wholesome tiredness, like after you've gone running or lifted weights. It felt so good cutting lose like that. I've been pretty restrained lately, and I knew I was going to need a release sooner rather than later. I'm glad it was screaming and not crying. There's a time and a place for crying, but feeling angry hit the spot.

Frustration

I finally got my Bannerweb code for Smith, and it turns out they never got my school official report. They won't hold it against me will they? I'm going to go into the Dean's office and kick some ass first thing tomorrow morning, I filled out another form and have the stamped, addressed envelope, and I'm going to emphasize how it needed to be in the mail two weeks ago, and I gave them the forms more than a month ago so they send it out tomorrow. I'm really furious about this.
The orchestra performed "Alexander Nevsky" today. Jill and Elizabeth are in orchestra, so I went to support them and avoid work. I sat by myself because no one else felt like going (a common theme these days), but I had a nice time anyway. The music was very beautiful, and even though I was fuming about the Dean's office and how it is ruining my life, I felt better during the concert. I actually forgot where I was and felt slightly guilty for being so angry, because I thought I was in church.
I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I'm so excited. Not for the food really, but I want it to be Christmas time. I'm totally planning on making a Christmas playlist for my iPod for the Turkey Trot. My friends and I aren't doing any sort of at-school holiday gathering this year. I'm sort of disappointed, but Halloween was booty, so maybe it's for the best. There's always the rugby holiday party. I wanted to try out soy milk hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps and a candycane stirrer and have that be the thing I brought to our gathering, but forwards are bringing entrees, so I'll just have to hold onto that idea. I think it sounds very delicious though, provided you use the nice Droste cocco powder and not nasty Swiss Miss. This is the last Christmas where all of my non-rugby friends and former-friends-who-are-now-just-friends-of-friends will be together, so it's sort of sad that we aren't doing anything. We had this plan to buy each other Christmas tree ornaments every year, so that by the time we graduated we'd all have the means to decorate our own tree that we'll have cuz we'll be all grown up, but I don't know if we're still doing that. It seems like paying a friendship tithe to just toss a gift to someone as you pass them on the quad.

Twilight

I haven't read the "Twilight" series. I didn't even realize they were a big deal until the last one came out this summer. They're about beautiful, angsty vampires though, so when my friend Oaks said she wanted to go see the movie last night, I figured I'd be able to catch on pretty fast, what with my previous experience with the sexy vampire genre.
The theater was packed. Not only that, but it was an enthusiastic crowd, people were taking pictures of themselves in the theater. They wanted mementos of the night that a mere ticket stub apparently cannot provide. I thought the crowd was pretty interesting actually. They all clearly loved the books, but they kept laughing at the really romantic parts. I think it was to cover for the fact that they really want an obsessive vampire love to watch them sleep, and be prepared to kill people that threaten them, but it isn't really socially acceptable to say that you want that. So they had to cover.
What I thought was strange though, was the heroine's name. She's called Bella Swan, which is my fantasy self's name. It's a nice name, I can see someone else thinking of it, but it was weird. I didn't know that was her name. It contributed to the feeling that I was experiencing of having my fantasy projected on a movie screen. They even used the right music, lots of Iron and Wine. I guess I'll have to accept the fact that I don't have terribly original fantasies. Getting it down to the name though, is just weird. I wonder if there are hundreds of other girls using that name independently of "Twilight".
It's a corny movie, but I liked it. I recently came across an old blog post of Emily's where she referred to a conversation we had, where I said I like most things, even when I know they're bad. It's very true, and last night was a perfect example. I also went to an a cappella show where a boy forgot a whole verse of his song and just stood there, frozen, while his friends beat boxed behind him. I paid to see that, but I wasn't mad the way Nicole would have been. I was having a nice night (aside from missing NARD. I kept hoping they would show up as a suprise, and I overheard the people behind me saying the same.) and most of the singing was good. "Twilight" was silly and awkward, but I liked it. Oaks is going to bring the books up after Thanksgiving so I can read them.
One problem with movies like that, with epic, gut-wrenching love, is that it makes me feel sort of bad that I don't have anyone who wants to watch me sleep. I asked someone out yesterday (before the movie), but I did it via facebook because I don't have his number and I have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone (Why go halfway with the vampire-geek theme? I had to throw a Buffy quote in there somewhere.). He's a male rugger, and nice enough, but he hasn't responded, and even if he says yes (which I don't see happening because he's a senior and enough of a slut to need to take a bet that he could go for the rest of the semester without having sex. We would only have like a week to hang out before the semester ended, and I have to assume he'll want to have as much sex as possible, right away, as soon as he can, which I'm not up for. Plus, I'm insecure and question whether anyone will ever love me.) it wouldn't be that kind of situation. It wouldn't be earth-shattering, it would be...I don't know. Not earth-shattering. He's a drummer in a band, and a psych major, and he likes comic books and camping, and snowboarding. He was shy in high school too, so he had the same reaction to people suddenly hitting on him that I did when I got to college. Even with this stuff in common, it wouldn't be like "Twilight" because he isn't dramatic; one of the nicest things about him is how laidback he is. You can't have vampire-style lovin' without losts of drama though. Also, I sound more into him than I actually am. We hung out Thursday night, but I never gave him much thought before that, and I'm not really sure what made him different enough for me to ask him out. I sort of feel like it was the asking that was important, and he can say no, but I've taken a step in the right direction. I put myself out there again, and made myself slightly more vulnerable than I would by just hooking up with him. That's sort of big. I'm not even sure at this point whether I'd even like dating him, but I wanted to try asking.